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The problem with classifications like these are they fail to take in the spectrum of masculinity in society and within individuals; where does a term like “metrosexual” leave a guy who knows a good suit when he sees it, may have necked some tofu to impress a date, but can still belch Waltzing Matilda?

So here’s a new one for you, a term that’s been kicking around for a while but is still a little fuzzy around the edges in the definition stakes; the Retrosexual.

Take your garden variety yobbo, add a dash of grooming, the ability to read a wine list and move away from the Esky with your hands above your head, thanks readers ..

You’ll find a set of keys to a pre millennium Holden or Ford. He may not understand the multimedia i drive on a 7 series BMW but he can sure as hell change the timing chain on a HQ. He loves cash and hates standing behind idjuts who take five minutes to pay for a lobster’s worth of petrol on MasterCard then fart around with FlyBuys. He’s still filthy about not being able to offload his centre console full of five cent pieces at toll booths.

Feel free to add to this list; what attributes would you affix to the Retrosexual?

If you’d like to email me with a topic suggestion or just vent, try here. I now have more than 1300 unanswered emails and no hope of catching up. So I’m instituting a no reply policy (unless you’re cute) because I’m sick of feeling guilty about it. In advance, I thank you for your email.

All Men Are Liars fully has MySpace, eh?

In my humble opinion, this guy’s musical tastes would centre on Oz Rock (ACDC, Cold Chisel, the Oils, Barnsey, INXS pre 1997) with maybe some Led Zepplin, Guns n Roses and Billy Joel? He maybe also has some 80s concert T shirts that he keeps like religious icons.

And his heroes would be people like Peter Brock, Steve McQueen and the odd cricket or League player.

And when he’s waiting by the side of the road with his Esky, for his mates to pick him up and take him to work, he warms his hands by sticking them down the front of his trackies.

Carries half a toolbox, a spare water hose and leads in case the old girl gives up on the trip up the coast. Knows how to fix it. Will help someone with a flat battery. Tall poppy watching enjoys watching poseurs break down in the BMW/ large 4wd with the unused malibu on top and no spare tyre. Washes car for funerals, weddings and big date. The roof racks are used for a ladder to a mates place on the weekend or for the tri fin board he rides when he wants to. His Dad has a collection of old roof racks at home going back to the EH.

Knows to respect the seats that older guys have at the pub. Will be known to help one or two on their way home. Knows not to turn his glass upside down and put it on the bar. Drinks local beers because they are good value and thinks those that drink imported bottled stuff are wankers. Occasionally has an Old in memory of his dead male relatives who were waterside workers. Usually the last drink.

Thinks the girlfriend is pretty attractive and knows to keep out of her way at certain times of the month. He likes Cadbury’s chocolate but know she likes better ones.

Culture: He only sings when he’s drunk and always one halftone off; the last book he read was Steve Waugh’s 1995 tour diary; he likes Jackie Chan movies and anything on TV sponsored by Red Bull.

Ambition: to get a place where he’s allow to keep a dog.

you know what i hate, i hate it when the Womens Weekly and Cleo says im supposed to be a snag or bisexual one week , a metro sexual the next, and techno sexual every week after that and blah, blah, blah, the list is never ending, no wonder Aussie males are confused about their place.

well, Mr Sam De Brito , I salute you , you friggin genuis. its about time someone told the world what is normal male pattern behaviour, (even though you’ve joined the bandwagon and invented another sexual tag)

i ticked every box on your list and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that we lucky bastards can live our lives as normal western democratic, football loving, beer swilling, women loving, sensitive macho males and co exist with the gals from venus and we should act like gentlemen in their company.

ive always had the utmost respect for the female gender , very big on opening car doors and letting ladies walk through doors first, only to be scoffed as if im a tosser. well i dont friggin care , beause for all those toffs and nazi feminist who scoff at me,
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i get 10 fold who smile and appreciate the effort.

i can change engine oil and timing belts, cook a roast,give birth to horses, do my own accounting and BAS, repair a computer,buy clothes for myself and women and can find a womens G spot( dont get me started on the tongue , ggrrrr). id say i was a Bob Jane Aussie All Rounder. Ha HA HA

Sam, I have to say, NO! Bloody hell mate, do not succumb to this horsesht about labelling blokes to fit under a certain label based on a number of categories. Leave that trash to degenerates in marketing and stupid women who read cosmopolitan or whatever glossy rag that is 75% adverts who think that affixing a title to guys is alright.

It is not alright. Mate, for using the word retrosexual, I recommend you give yourself an uppercut. And maybe drink a schooner full of broken glass. Leave that sht to the other blog, if a bloke wants to be a bloke, he can do it without having to be placed under a label like this. He refuses to get an e tag, as he hates automation. Refuses to watch the NRL because he thinks it is too corporate and that the players should be out doing bin runs to keep fit.

Drives around in some piece of s from the 1980s that he will “drive till it dies” because he hates plastic cars, especially black VW Golfs driven by P platers. He also hates those big SUV style tanks that dominate the ‘new money’ families of the eastern suburbs, and wants to wage war on pubs that charge over $3.50 for a schooner of VB. I’ve seen this guy at the sheaf programming in a good 40 minutes on the duke box of Johnny Farnham, not because he likes it, just because he doesn’t like ghetto trash from USA. Also once saw him standing with his arm over the shoulder of one of his good female friends with his hand on her breast completely off his chops. The funniest bit though; he was introducing his evil female boss to this girl as his ‘cousin’. Funny guy all round.

He farts loudly in public and thinks its funny, he might own a gun and doesnt think that you have a problem if you do, he thinks that global warming is a heap of crap and that tuna doesnt taste quite right since the dolphin has been taken out of it, he thinks that fluffy dogs are for sheilas, pensioners & hairdressers & he throws his empties in the back of his car & never cleans it out. He always leaves his wet towels on the floor & uses half a roll of dunny paper each time and is impressed if he leaves a mighty trade mark. He knows that most minor differences can be settled with a quick smack in the mouth is totally non PC and doesnt give a damn about it. He has never changed a nappy in hs life & has never watched an episode of “the biggest loser” without getting kicked out of the lounge room for putting crap on the fat bodie. He thinks Jimmy Barns is a woos since he gave up getting pissed while on stage, & wouldnt give a rip if he started to get a gut, he is not frightened to call an abo an abo or a poof a poof and uses the word “bloody” in every second sentence. Further to this, he is a champion of that which is fair dinkum, proper & right, his name is his bond & a deal can be done on the strength of his hand shake & doesnt think that stuff like that needs explaining.

Now that I’m doing so much shopping on line, I’m frustrated by these ‘smart’ advertising programs. They have labeled me. They monitored the products I bought or looked at during all my past visits. They think I am like other people who bought similar stuff. They don’t know about all the things I bought in my life, so they have a very limited understanding of the broad and complex customer I really am. They push more of the same stuff at me each time I visit. Look mate, I bought that last time: I don?t need any more of that stuff, so ps off or tell me where to find this other stuff I haven?t bought yet. I have to explore harder to get out of the marketing rut they’ve put me in so that I can find what I want. I hate it.

So you have made up a new label, the Retrosexual; he is basically your garden variety yobbo with a bit of polish. Your description centres around his social characteristics, so I guess the label is useful when you want to work out if he will fit in with the crowd at your mate’s BBQ. But when you start making assumptions about my mate’s financial situation, you will go wrong. Your marketer will assume that he is a blue collar worker (most people who take an esky to work are labourers). They will try to sell him a home loan or a car loan. But as a Retrosexual he will have to fight for credibility when we wants information about million dollar financing for his business as a recreational sport fishing guide. Just because a person likes to wear board shorts, each vegemite sandwiches and is a great shag, doesn’t mean he isn’t a smart, ambitious and risk taking businessman.

Or a woman.

chuckleworthy as usual mr de brito, although i would add you do make him sound like a bit of a boofhead. there’s something very old fashioned and manly about being at least a little well read and/or well spoken. also, there’s nothing wrong with guys looking after their appearance a little more than they used to! much as i love the smell of good old imperial leather,
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i get a kick out of seeing the new fella using some kind of exfoliant/toner from clinique amusingly dubbed “scruffing lotion”. a thoroughly adorable concession to both ruggedness and vanity.