ugg boots with heels uk Partner’s shoesession worth understanding
Dear Menfolk: You’ve asked me what the deal is with women’s shoes. You want to know why the women in your life need to rent a special air conditioned U Haul for their footwear when we move. You don’t think it’s reasonable to have so many shoes stuffed into her hanging shoe rack that it rips out of the sheetrock and crashes to the floor. You ask if we really want to aspire to hoard shoes like Imelda Marcos best known for embezzlement and greed.
I’m here to help. The following is a glossary of terms meant to answer your questions regarding the seemingly unstoppable shoesession in your lady’s life.
Handbags/shoes that “go.” Matchy matchy has been a big no no in the fashion world for at least 15 years now. A woman doesn’t want to look like her mother laid out her Garanimals the night before her first day of school. So you may occasionally see her holding up a purse or a pair of pumps to an ensemble and remarking that “it goes together.” Translation: It’s not a perfect match, but it still somehow looks perfect for what she’s wearing.
This also creates the perfect segue for our next term.
Shoeproduction: A typical man probably owns five to eight pairs of shoes, including a running shoe, a sandal, black dress shoes, brown dress shoes and for that time he was a groomsman in his friend Sean’s wedding hot pink Converse.
Unless she’s Amish, a typical woman would never be satisfied with this. She will need multiple pairs of mules, flats, heels, trainers, wedges, clogs, Uggs, espadrilles, loafers,
Toms and sandals. You will gaze at her closet and think many of the shoes look identical, or that no one should really need 15 pairs of black shoes.
But you are wrong, my friend. That one pair of spangly flats is like a bad boyfriend: They torture her, but they are so terribly cute that she can’t get rid of them. Those black pumps are dramatically different from the other two pairs because it has bows on it. Those heels are seductively “open toe” without showing foot cleavage. They are all important members of her family. Foot soldiers, if you will.
Shoeionaire. Christian Louboutin, a French footwear designer who makes shoes that will cost more than your monthly house mortgage
Mules. If someone says “mule” to you, you will likely think of the offspring of the male donkey and the female horse. If someone says “mule” to us, we will likely think of the offspring of a stuffy closed toe shoe and a freewheeling backless sandal.
Kitten heels. These are not sadistic shoes with kittens trapped in the heels (though there were shoes that had goldfish living in the heels). Instead, they are a short, thin, curved heel that gives a woman just enough height that she doesn’t need to hem her pants.
Shoesterhood of the Traveling Flats: When women get together, you will hear them squeal with delight upon spotting a friend’s particularly cute shoes. They will demand to know where she got them, whether she got them on sale and whether she thinks they are also available in green. For a moment, she will become a shoementor, simultaneously envied and admired. I know this may be hard to understand,
but think of how you feel when your buddy gets a new Harley or a better chainsaw.
Cute. This is the word women will use to describe desirable shoes. Every. Single. Time.
Shoemotion. This is why women will beam with joy after buying great shoes or dissolve into a puddle of tears when you suggest she part with any of her footwear. Shoes inspire a deep emotion in women because they can perfectly capture a woman’s tastes and personality. They can be the perfect crowning touch to any outfit. And they always fit no matter how much weight we’ve lost or gained.
So there you have it. I hope that little “shoetorial” helps. Maybe it will help you understand that Manolo Blahnik is not the girl from “Blossom.” Perhaps it will allow you to sit down with your sweetie and talk rhapsodically about platforms and wedges.