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A cryptic message to Santa: ConAgra executives, OPPD board members, lump of coal. You get the picture.

In a tribute to “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” Omaha Mayor Jean Stothert is trying to annex “a galaxy far, far away.”

The NCAA volleyball final four is underway. This is often spoken of as “the Road to Omaha.” Because it’s the Road to Omaha, it is littered with potholes, road closed signs and 17 detours.

Tonight, Omaha natives Jack Jack make a triumphant return to the Ralston Arena. I’ve read what some of these social media stars turned recording acts earn and I’m hoping soon the group will be known as Jack, Jack Brad.

Gov. Pete Ricketts has named funeral director Brian Kruse new Douglas County election commissioner. Next time we elect a bunch of bozos he can give a eulogy for the City of Omaha.

This is when you know the governor doesn’t see a bright future for Omaha elections. The new commissioner is a funeral director.

The OPPD board approved a new plan that will apparently help the well heeled and hurt the poor. Warren Buffett’s bill should be dropping. But not to worry the Siena Francis House will pick up the slack.

Members of the public lined up at the OPPD board meeting to voice their opposition to the new rate plan. Well, some did. Six people got up to complain about the OPS sex ed program.

When she visited Omaha on Wednesday, Hillary Clinton spoke of the “Buffett Rule,
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” which is when you buy pretty much every newspaper in the world. . Wait, it’s something else. Never mind. Rep. Brad Ashfordof Nebraska has endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. The Clinton campaign considers this bipartisan support since Ashford is often a Democrat on Tuesday and a Republican on Wednesday.

Nebraska officials are spending $274,000 to mail postcards to Nebraskans informing them about a property tax credit they’ve been receiving since 2007. I’ve heard dumber things no, wait, actually I have not.

What a waste. That 274 grand could have been better spent by sending it to lethal injection drug brokers in Timbuktu.

Because Nebraskans are basically getting tax money back, the postcards will be delivered by pigs that can fly.

Now we only have to worry about a tax hike to cover the $274,000 in postage.

The Douglas County Board voted itself a 34 percent pay hike over two years. According to board member Mike “Money” Boyle, the pay will be commensurate with the duties and responsibilities of the position.

My tip for fulfilling holiday gift giving: Always leave the price tag on expensive items but remove it from the cheap stuff you buy.

I saw an article online titled: “Why people spend stupidly over the holidays.” I was thinking about this article as I walked from the mall to my car with 70 oven mitts and 14 weed trimmers.

There is a mall Santa in Portland, Oregon, with a man bun. What next? Mrs. Claus in a miniskirt and Uggs?

In St. Louis, a man named Bud Weisser was arrested for trespassing at the Budweiser plant. OK,
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I really have nothing to add here.